This day and age, it’s safe to say that the classic prince-meets-a-princess fairytale story is overdone, outdated, and just plain boring. Modern relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and oftentimes, relationships that stray away from unrealistic, restrictive norms are more healthy and satisfying.
The queer community seems to be on to something when it comes to love, and of course, having really great sex. Maybe it comes from the liberation from traditional gender roles, maybe it has to do with better, more empathetic communication skills, or maybe, it’s just because queer people aren’t afraid to let their freak flags fly.
Whatever the case may be, it’s clear that the straights could stand to learn a thing or two from the wealth of knowledge the LGBTQIA+ community has cultivated about sex. Here are three pieces of advice from the queer crowd that will help everyone make the most of their sexy time.
- It Is Possible to Love Your Partner & Still Want to Experiment With Other People
From the moment we’re born, we’re taught that monogamy is the best way to have a fulfilling relationship. It’s in books and movies and TV shows and advertisements. We cannot escape the story of monogamy.
Having one person to be with (and have sex with) for the rest of your life might sound like the most romantic idea ever, but it can actually kill your sex drive.
Agreeing to an open sexual relationship can bring a new intensity to your relationship that keeps you and your partner on your toes and makes sure you don’t get stuck in the same routine.
Non-monogamy is frequently explored in queer relationships. Having sex with someone else doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. In fact, it takes a tremendous amount of trust and intimacy to agree to an open relationship. That’s not to say opening up your relationship won’t come with challenges, but with honest communication and clear boundaries, a non-monogamous relationship can take the pressure off of you and your partner to be everything to each other forever.
- Communication Is Key If You Want Amazing Sex
Everyone knows the key to great sex is open communication. So why do straight couples still have such a hard time communicating their needs in the bedroom? And why are straight women still faking orgasms?
The only way someone is going to know what makes your toes curl during sex is if you are open and honest with them.
Some people say it’s “embarrassing” to lay it all out there for your partner—especially in the beginning. To that I say, please get over yourself! Go get your nut, honey! If you’re already engaging in that hanky panky anyway, you might as well make the most out of it.
In the queer community, communication isn’t seen as an obstacle. It’s seen as a necessity that serves to prioritize mutual safety, comfort, and pleasure.
When you’re able to communicate with your partner about what you like (and what you don’t like) before, during, and after sex, it will only lead to more satisfaction.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Think Outside of the Box
For heterosexual couples, it might be easy to fall into a familiar sexual routine. Maybe you start by seducing your partner with some kissing, then some light foreplay and before your know it, you’ve made it to vaginally penetrative sex that’s over in under 15 minutes on a good day.
The beautiful thing about being queer is that the typical, heterosexual agenda is thrown out the window. Having sex can start anywhere, and there is no set to-do list for the journey.
When people are liberated from gender roles and stereotypical ideas about the who-does-what during a hookup, it can lead to mind-blowing sex that will make you wonder why you ever subscribed to that vanilla hetero sex in the first place.
Don’t be afraid to spice it up and try new things! Whether it’s through role-playing or sex toys or bondage, there are so many exciting ways to bring some novelty with you into the bedroom.
Having Better Sex
There is no one-size-fits-all rule book for having better sex. But if you and your boo are in a rut and are looking for something new, rest assured you can count on the queers to teach you a thing or two.